The Art Of Annoying Your Wife
Posted by man | Under Uncategorized Tuesday Jun 22, 2010There are a number of ways for a man to irritate a woman. Sometimes it happens without effort. However, we learn from our mistakes. Moreover, we learn from the mistakes of others. This gives you a road map of an area to avoid. Here are some situations that you may wish to avoid.
Pick a nice warm sunny day. Perhaps she is sitting outside on the patio. She may be using the cordless or cell phone. Now is the right moment to use your Poulan chainsaw. This will blast her back into the house. You will interrupt her serenity and phone call. This technique will annoy her. It also shows complete disregard for her feelings. You can get two annoyances for the price of one.
Another popular method is while she is watching television. She may be taking a break from cleaning the house. If she is watching a movie on her favorite woman’s cable channel, the time is perfect. Sit down with her and start to watch the movie. At least attempt to.
It is time for the movie bashing game to begin. The rules are simple. There is only one hard part. You have to watch the movie for a few minutes, but then comes the fun. You ridicule and complain as much as you can. Poke fun at the people and the plot. Tell her how ridiculous it is.
This is an indirect approach of insult. By insulting something she likes, you insult her. You also insult her taste in movies, and intelligence. This can go a long ways toward marital discord.
Now is a good time to show total disregard for her things. Do you have any painting to do? Most likely, you have procrastinated enough to accomplish that. You need a paint mixer. Do not go out and buy one. You can buy one, indirectly. Go into the kitchen and get her hand mixer. Here is your new paint mixer.
This will give you some time to work, alone. You need time that you are undisturbed. It will be nice and quiet while she looks at new hand mixers, at the mall. This task annoyed your wife and you got a new paint mixer, at the same time.
After all of this work, you may need some rest. A simple apology will not do, for all of your insensitive behavior. You need a good excuse. An insanity plea is as good as it gets. Get a black helmet. Line this helmet with aluminum foil. Cover the entire helmet if you wish. She will ask you what you are doing. Tell her it is to stop the aliens. You no longer want them to intercept your brain waves. This may buy you some time. It may get you about 48 hours of rest in a nice quiet room.
Final thoughts
If you seek marital harmony, do not try these stunts at home. They are dangerous and should only be performed by a qualified moron. Learn from the mistakes of others.