Can Your Relationship Survive An Affair?
Posted by man | Under Uncategorized Sunday Mar 7, 2010Many people aren’t committed one way or the other to ending their relationship over an affair. While a cheating partner is terribly destructive to the relationship, the psychology of cheating leads one to believe that if you’re willing to put up with it that you are somehow condoning it. This may or may not feel true to you.
You’ve seen her several times. She’s that one that does all of that excessive flirting. She doesn’t care about gender or age, she just flirts with everyone. Her office fashion jewelry is as beautiful as she is, and her body is that of someone with several hours in her day to work out.
The demoralizing affair takes it toll on you. Simple things like getting a hair cut, dressing for attention, applying make up, or even dry skin care and facial care routines start to feel ridiculous since you know you aren’t being noticed. Do you stop and let yourself fall apart? Taking care of yourself can seem very difficult when the depression of a failing relationship hits home.
Of course the kids are confused. They seem to be down to one parent. The baby has no bond with his second parent. You take care of the kids, from bath time to bed time to everything in between. With the double electric breast pump sitting off to the side, you’re reminded that you had intended on sharing as much of the nursing experience as possible with your partner. But that is no more.
Fear is a pretty big obstacle when making a real decision about what to do. Leaving might be a reasonable option. Trying to regain your partner’s attention might be a reasonable option. You vacillate back and forth trying to come up with the best approach only to find that you are just frustrated, hurt, and scared. It’s unsettling to have no idea where your future might end up.
Some couples have simple rules. If you cheat it’s over. Other couples have less defined rules that leave some wiggle room in how you react to such a mess. The one thing you might be battling is fear. It can be frightening to feel as though someone else has taken away your sense of security. You’re willing to be all in, and then your partner and the affair threaten to destroy your sense of belonging in your own home. Yet being afraid to strike out on your own can be literally paralyzing.
Only you can ultimately decide what you’re comfortable with. Sometimes the financial security of staying together is strong enough to overlook an affair. Sometimes you need to set limits and boundaries so that you feel healthy. Choosing your next step is not easy, but it is one that you can take with confidence. It is your choice, and that is one thing that an affair can’t take away from you.